Sokka time.

Inspired by this episode of Avatar: The Last Airbender. I still cannot believe no one else has done this.

I have not the skill to make an audio version of this, but that would make my life.

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth (just swing it)

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth (swing it real good)

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth

Land in the swamp and get my swing on

Pay no attention to them vines cuz we chop ‘em up

And I ain't doin’ nothing wrong

So don't tell me nothing, I’m just tryin’ ta get out

So keep on swinging

So what’s up (yea)

And I'll be doing what I do

We turn our back

And swing our machete and just chop them up

Chop them up, chop them up, chop them up

Don't let those vines keep me in here

Keep my head up I know I'll be fine

Keep fighting until I get out

When I’m down and I feel like giving up I swing again

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth (just swing it)

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth (swing it real good)

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth (just swing it)

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth (swing it real good)

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth (just swing it)

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth (swing it real good)

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth

I'ma get more meat in a little bit

Soon as I smell cooking I’m drooling over it

Whether its possum chicken, arctic hen I'm eating it

But can't none of them eat meat like I do

I catch it, I eat it all

Except saber-toothed moose cubs

I swing it real hard, real hard, I swing it real hard

Don't let vines keep me off my grind

Keep my head up I know I'll be fine

Keep fighting until I get there

When I’m down and I feel like giving up I think again

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth (just swing it)

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth (swing it real good)

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth (just swing it)

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth (swing it real good)

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth (just swing it)

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth (swing it real good)

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth (ok, ok just swing it)

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth (swing it real good)

I swing my machete back and forth

All my ladies if you feel me

Come on do it do it swing your machete (swing your machete)

Don't matter if it’s sharp, dull (sharp, dull)

Do it do it swing your machete (swing your machete)

All my ladies if you feel me

Come on do it do it swing your machete (swing your machete)

Don't matter if it’s sharp, dull (sharp, dull)

Do it do it swing your machete (your machete, your machete)

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth (just swing my machete)

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth (swing it real good)

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth (just swing my machete)

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth (swing it real good)

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth (just swing my machete)

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth (swing it real good)

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth (just swing it)

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth (swing it real good)

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth (just swing it)

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth (swing it real good)

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing my machete back and forth

I swing...

Sokka out

Dear Facebook Users,

Just a couple points I want to establish with you, so we can continue having our cyber-friendship in relative peace.


Ok, I understand someone died today (or recently) and you want to remember that person and let people know how important that person was to you. But please, don't make five different statuses over the course of the day (week?) saying some variation of "RIP this person who you don't know-because who the hell knows all of their friends on facebooks' family members by name?-I really loved him/her <3"


AGH.


I don't know who this person is, or the context. I can't tell if this is a recent death or you're just remembering the anniversary of a death, so I feel like I'd be a huge dick if I said anything about it. And I'm a dick for ignoring it. Facebook isn't the place to grieve. Honestly, after a certain point it looks like you're trying to get attention. Which, if you are, is a terrible thing to do. If you aren't, I don't think you're dealing with this properly. I don't really know much about the entire grieving process because only two of my family members have died in my lifetime and I wasn't incredibly close to either person, but I think being very public about it isn't the way to go. Because, wouldn't people be tip-toeing around you so as not to set you off? And then, when you've accepted your loved one's death and can handle it, they're used to treating you like that's a taboo subject? I thought being able to talk about some bad event in your life openly was a sign that you're over it now. You're doing it in the wrong order!


Also, (this isn't a complaint I'm just baffled) how do some people I'm friends with on Facebook make a new friend or two (or ten...) each day? I know I'm shy, but that sounds like a lot of people to meet. I hope it's not one of those "we go to the same high school/belong to some network together let's be friends even though I've never seen you before :DDD" It's just... strange. Am I just a social outcast or something? I met a lot of people throughout my Facebook usage, especially when I started attending college, but still some people scoff at how few friends I have. Well, at least I met all of them in person and trust them (well, most of them) not to cyberstalk me.


Yes, you're in a relationship and you're liking it. I'm happy for you, I really am. I don't get sickened seeing genuinely happy couples interacting. I may laugh a little at some of you, but hey, love is love and it makes the world go 'round just like duct tape holds it together (or molecular bonds or gravity or whatever if you believe in that silly science stuff). But for the love of preserving everyone's sanity, talk about something other than your lady love. Or man love. Whatever. It's cute when your status says "One whole year with Billie Jean it's been a great one baby :)" A little mushy for my sensibilities, but I'll accept that it's a matter of taste and doing that isn't really my style but it is yours. I do not want to see every other status pertaining to how your life is so awesome because of this magical person, oh you love her so, you need her. 


Stop complaining about being single, or how you'll never find "The One." Everyone's been single at some point in their lives, believe it or not, and it won't kill you. I was single for the first seventeen years of mine I managed to survive somehow. Stop throwing yourself a pity party and find something to enjoy about being single. (Seriously, it can be a lot of fun; have quality time with your friends and do crazy things with your appearance that a girl would leave you for doing. Hell, C. said if I ever had a faux-hawk he'd break up with me so that's one thing I'm doing if we break up.) The people who believe that being with a person is the key to happiness are especially irritating to me. That was me for part of high school. (A very small part. I learned the truth pretty fast.) I understand the thinking there. But. Agh. The guy who whines about how his life sucks and if only he had a girlfriend things would be so much better makes me want to smash my head into a wall. (Sorry, guys, but I observe this behavior more often in males it seems. Girls tend to just whine about their crappy ex or how all the cute boys are gay/unavailable. I wish I was joking.) Yes, you're lonely, I would be too in that situation. But please stop using your single status as an excuse for your life sucking. Besides, it's really unhealthy to depend upon having a relationship to be happy. Trust me, I've been there on both sides. It puts an unfair amount of pressure on the other person, and you don't end up being happy, just anxious all the time because your source of happiness could very well leave. Relationships-even marriage, unfortunately-aren't forever. Everyone knows in the back of their minds that it's more likely to end than have a happily ever after.


Don't obsessively comment on your ex's activities and statuses. It looks pretty pathetic, and all her (again, I mostly see guys doing this) friends are waiting for you to say something vaguely mean-spirited so they can pounce on you and tell you off for being an ass. I've been in this situation before, as both the ex and the friend waiting to pounce. You're annoying.


Stop telling me about your alcohol consumption. I don't care how drunk you are, unless you're puking in my shoes or otherwise damaging my property. I don't go to parties so I don't have to deal with this behavior, so keep it there.


I don't actually care that much about this, but I'd like it if you started spelling things correctly. I concede you have every right to spell things awfully, even in important emails because if you want to ruin your career or whatever thing you're emailing about that's your prerogative. But know that I will lose a little respect for you. Tastefully misspelled words? I'll accept. (Example: I see what you did thar.) But abbreviating as many words as you can into one or two letters grates against my sense of aesthetics.  Yes, I love good grammar and spelling. At least it's not a fetish. Punctuation and good grammar can enhance the meaning of a statement, and help so much with articulating. Use it!


Don't tell me every detail of your life. If I want to know, I'll ask. I like hearing about funny or interesting things that happen in your life, not what classes you have and when you're working. Or anything mundane about your pet. Congratulations, you have a dog, so do I. I don't care to hear about the wonders of owning one because, guess what? I have one. A good status involving a pet? Tell me about how Mittens is sleeping in the bathroom sink or doing something equally strange.


Stop making passive-aggressive statuses clearly directed at someone who you're mad at or who has "hurt" you. You're being immature and broadcasting that immaturity to the world. "Some people are such jerks sometimes." Isn't really that subtle a statement anyways. I don't know if I've actually seen that one, but I'm pretty sure it's happened. If you have a beef with someone, then confront that person or just get over it.


If you have funny, relevant statuses (you don't even need to be funny every time, as long as you're not moronic and terribly boring all the time; everyone has their off days), I like having you in my news feed. Even if we don't interact that much in real life, I'll consider you an alright person. Maybe a good person if you're especially funny.

Guess who wrote a book?

First, I'm not responsible for any emotional scarring that happens as a result of anything you learn about here. Read on at your own risk.

Snooki

She wrote a book. Not a memoir, or autobiography, which I would accept because I'm sure she has an interesting life. No, she wrote a FICTION. A story she made up. Guess what it's about? That's right. It's called "A Shore Thing" and it details the life of two young women partying it up on the shore (or whatever they call that area, I wouldn't know). Here's the summary:

It’s a summer to remember . . . at the Jersey Shore.

Giovanna “Gia” Spumanti and her cousin Isabella “Bella” Rizzoli are going to have the sexiest summer ever. While they couldn’t be more different—pint-size Gia is a carefree, outspoken party girl and Bella is a tall, slender athlete who always holds her tongue—for the next month they’re ready to pouf up their hair, put on their stilettos, and soak up all that Seaside Heights, New Jersey, has to offer: hot guidos, cool clubs, fried Oreos, and lots of tequila.

So far, Gia’s summer is on fire. Between nearly burning down their rented bungalow, inventing the popular “tan-tags” at the Tantastic Salon where she works, and rescuing a shark on the beach, she becomes a local celebrity overnight. Luckily, she meets the perfect guy to help her keep the flames under control. Firefighter Frank Rossi is exactly her type: big, tan, and Italian. But is he tough enough to handle Gia when things really heat up?

Bella is more than ready for some fun in the sun. Finally free of her bonehead ex-boyfriend, she left home in Brooklyn with one goal in mind: hooking up with a sexy gorilla for a no-strings-attached summer fling. In no time, she lands a job leading “Beat Up the Beat” dance classes at a local gym, and is scooped up by Beemer-driving, preppy Bender Newberry. Only problem: Bella can’t get her romantic and ripped boss Tony “Trouble” Troublino out of her head. He’s relationship material. Suddenly, Bella’s not sure what she wants.

The cousins soon realize that for every friend they make on the boardwalk, there are also rivals, slummers, and frenemies who will do anything to ruin their summer—and try their relationship. Before July ends, the bonds of family and friendship will be stretched to the breaking point. Will the haters prevail, or will Gia and Bella find love at the Shore?

For everyone who loves MTV’s hit reality show, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi’s sweet, funny, and sexy novel perfectly captures the heat, the energy, the fun, and the drama of Jersey Shore.*

 Not only does it look like something an amateur "writer" from middle school would write, it has someone named Bella in it. I actually have nothing against the name Bella, I just predict that she's a complete Mary Sue. The description certainly points to that. There are a couple things about this description that sadden and/or amuse me greatly. Other than, you know, my opinion that anything to do with that show will greatly reduce anyone's intelligence.

• The cousins. They're different as can be. This is the most obvious setup to a main character conflict you can do, outside of making them siblings. Or, it's a ploy to attract more readers; party types and reserved people. Please, be original and realistic. Yes, opposites do attract sometimes, but for in most situations relationships (romantic, familial, platonic) happen and grow because of shared interests and traits. You don't have to only interact with clones of yourself, but you gotta have something in common. And I don't count family. That's just being forced to interact with someone. (Just most of us actually like our family.)
• What are these "tan-tags"? Of course this is about tanning.
• Italian is a type? I know, girls like European men, or guys are into Asian women. But, the Asian-women interest is usually considered creepy. In fact, guys having any preference about girls other than "decent-looking" seems to be considered creepy, from what I've observed. It should be just as creepy when girls do it. "Oh, your ancestors are from that place shaped like a shoe. That's so hot." I admit, I have a thing for New Zealand/British accents, but I realize that's a somewhat shallow preference, and belongs in the same part of my mind that wanted a guy who's really rich, or would give me a unicorn. And, it's not like this guy works for her affection! He's Italian, so he's got an in.
• I didn't know gorilla was a term for hunk. Actually, according to UrbanDictionary, my highly accurate source for understanding pop culture, it is first defined as a derogatory term for a large black man, then a strange sex act, then a really buff, muscular person. I don't think it's a very flattering term, personally.
• "Beat Up the Beat" dance classes, really? I understand this all about the Jersey Shore, but that's like having Harry Potter start a wizard-role-playing club. For Muggles. And calling it "Lumos" or "Expecto Patronum." Wow.

Beat up the beat: to fist pump, starting out by drum-rolling on the floor, working your way up to full on creeped out fist-pumping in a Jersey Shore club or bar with all your guido and guidette pals. Can only be done to house music while in a trashy outfit for girls, Ed Hardy clothing for guys, complete with a fake tan, and in girls' case, a Snooki-esque pouf or blonde and black extensions like JWoww's. Can be taken to the next level by fist-pumping while switching your legs back and forth to the beat.**

• Who's trying to ruin their summer? Why do they care? Sure, Gia sounds annoying as hell with her "Oh, we're going to have a sexy summer, make our hair twice as big as it really is, drink lots, and have fried Oreos." but if I ran across her, I wouldn't try to ruin her summer, I'd stand back and watch the train wreck. A lot less work, just as much amusement, and no guilt afterwords. Jane Austen version: "Oh, Isabella, let us prepare for a wonderful evening in town. We shall shape our hair in the most popular pouf style, sup on the finest delicacies of tequila and deep-fried oreos, and find some handsome gentlemen to help us home in our impractical shoes."
• What is a "frenemy" anyhow? According to UrbanDictionary, it's an enemy disguised as a friend. We had to make up a word for that. It sounds like this is also an easy way to set up some sort of conflict.
• The alliterations. Firefighter Frank. Beemer-driving Bender. Tony "Trouble" Troublino (his last name even sounds kinda like 'trouble'). Troublino doesn't sound like a last name at all. I'm assuming it's supposed to be Italian, and I'll admit I'm a very white girl, but I took Italian. That doesn't like any Italian word I've ever seen. Be less obvious about how you thought of your names.
• This is not a sexy novel. A sexy novel is a novel that I thoroughly enjoy reading and feel good about reading. Like, I dunno, Lolita (don't judge me, I know it's a creepy book but it's a good book), or Tale of Genji. If someone I knew read this (and thought it was legitimately good) I would run away screaming. Or point and laugh. This is not a sexy novel, this is something you read for instant gratification. Instant gratification isn't sexy; be honest about what you're getting from this book. If someone I knew read this and told me he/she read it expecting it to be bad, I wouldn't lose respect for that person.

Bottom line is, I want to read this book for the same reason I wanted to read Bedded By Her Lord. not to better my mind, but because it sounds hilariously awful. I'll most likely spend a couple hours in Borders so I don't have to spend money on this.

*Summary from the book description on Amazon.com. Check out this review. It pretty much sums everything up.

**Definition of "beat up the beat" found on Urbandictionary.com

I Whip My Hair Back And Forth.

Will Smith has a child, named Willow. Criticisms of his naming abilities aside, I wonder at his parenting abilities. When Willow was ten, she recorded this song. At eleven she made that video. I have a couple problems with this.

1.) The Lyrics

The lyrics. Yes, they're all about "don't let the haters hate, feel good about yourself and have a good time." But, she's ten. She's talking about turning her swag on, and keeping the party jumping. What ten year old thinks about that? (Or goes to parties that jump???) When I was ten all I cared about was the toe seams in socks, trying to convince my mom to get pizza for dinner, and my stuffed bunny. What's all this about self esteem? And those parties. I went to BIRTHDAY parties, and those don't jump unless the host has a trampoline in her back yard.

Age of the singer/writer (I haven't been able to figure out if she wrote this, or someone wrote it for her) aside, this isn't a well-written song. The beat is catchy, and it sounds good, but the lyrics are awful. In my opinion. I'm sure some disagree. I know that some stuff I dislike, other people find value or enjoyment in and such, but I very strongly believe that these lyrics are in no way good. Catchy, maybe, but not something one can derive deeper meaning from. Also, I think "swag" is ridiculous. (I just realized, this is like the uber-censored version of Kesha's Tik Tok. A little.)

2.) The Video

Don't get me wrong, the concept of the boring white room and adding color to it is pretty brilliant, this was filmed well and looks great and all. Willow (from what the internet tells me) was eleven when she shot this. She has so many things on her nails, and the way she's dressed. It doesn't scream "I'm a female with no morals", so she is dressed appropriately I'll admit, but I feel like she isn't really wearing typical eleven year old clothing. I guess I'm really old-fashioned for having this opinion, but isn't this a bit young to be doing all this? She's already a successful child actor. She would have a lot more freedom to sing about whatever the heck she wants to once she's older.

Conclusion: This song is catchy, but the lyrics are awful (even if Willow's age wasn't an issue).

There was also a video of a parrot dancing to it, but someone decided to be lame and claim a copyright.